bohsupremo

Tag: Lifestyle

  • The Dream Conundrum

    The Dream Conundrum

    Sometimes it really gets to you — you see your friends get attached, married, apply for housing, have kids and you think to yourself,

    “wouldn’t that be a much easier road to contentment?”

    It’s probably not the best thing to proclaim but I guess I’ve always been pretty lazy. I usually work hard to find the easiest and/ or fastest way out of my assignments so in terms of convenience, the Singaporean Dream always seemed like a very alluring, easy option.

    Study hard, get a good job, find a nice partner (or not), own a home, invest in something, go for holidays twice a year, (maybe) have some (fur)kids (and when you do, be sure to have them take over your social media :P), and voila! A great, fulfilling life hopefully happily ever after.

    I’ve been fed that narrative through many positive examples: my parents have been married for aaaaages, own a decent flat, brought me up fine, while too many friends are pairing up (too many because I forked out too much money for a lot of your pair-up rituals and they barely even concern me but hey I’m happi for u :P) and of course, they seem really happy on social media doing things together. I’d like to think that the Singaporean media and our public policies also pulled no punches with promoting and making it very conducive to subscribe to the Singaporean Dream; so for the most part, as far as what I’ve observed goes, I think it’s awesome!

    The disconcerting thing about aspiring towards the Singaporean Dream though, is it really isn’t as linear as I thought it’d be, and definitely not that all-encompassing. 

    Along the way things happen and change: you fall in and out of love, you develop alternative, lofty dreams of your own that scare you as much as they excite you, you meet like-minded people whose ambitions are as great as yours, but their trajectories will ironically diverge from you as you all aspire towards different goals. You realise that while Singapore is great, the world is huge with many other ways of life… And as soon as you know it, the Singaporean Dream no longer suffices and perhaps also in some other ways, doesn’t align with you anymore.

    You come to an awakening that your life is far, far different from a typical 喜临门 or 荷兰村 plot where if you toil hard enough, the Sun shines again, everything magically resolves itself by episode 25 or 100, the villains get their comeuppance, everybody congratulates each other and live happily ever after. (As much as I understand that these are really just stupid soap operas, you unwittingly buy in to some of their ideals when you watch enough of them.)

    I guess my point is: the dissonance between the Singaporean Dream narrative in my head and my reality has been pretty hard to stomach lately, and I don’t know how to feel about it. As amazing as it sounds to settle down/ find companionship, buy a house and call it a day, you begrudgingly hold back because you understand that (1) it’s really unfair to subject someone to your own volatilities while you chase your dreams or sort your priorities out, (2) the dream-chasers you’re attracted to and you might all find it more convenient to chase your dreams separately and (3) you’ve heard too many horror stories of failed partnerships.

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    I have no motivational banger to end this entry because I have no clue. I can only hope that in time, my (and your, if you find yourself in the same predicament) priorities get straightened, that we have the courage (again) to commit ourselves to a project or someone who enjoys your company as much as you enjoy theirs and ultimately reach contentment, Singaporean Dream or not.

  • This Whole Gay, Straight, Bi Thing

    This Whole Gay, Straight, Bi Thing

    Recently I have had conversations with my friends regarding people and having friends from the LGBTQ community and about potentially having LGBTQ children. 

    Some of us think there is absolutely nothing wrong or offensive about being LGBTQ, while some of us don’t understand how can same sex attraction occur and hold on to more conservative views/ beliefs. 

    What pains me the most during some of our discussions is the fact some of us do not hesitate to use extremely divisive terms like, “disturbing”, “disgusting” and “retarded” in describing people from the community. And many a times, sentiments like that arise very simply from a lack of empathy. “I don’t understand why would a girl/ guy be attracted to another girl/ guy.” “Why would a man be interested in having sexual relations with another man, that’s disgusting.” 

    Actually, there is really not much to understand except one thing: that you cannot actively control your attractions, straight or not.

    A few of my straight friends have also described to me their experiences in gay clubs. These experiences would usually be along the lines of them feeling uncomfortable with the surge of attention from people of the same sex. At some points their descriptions actually sounded dehumanising, as though the gay club-goers were desperate, ravenous maniacs who couldn’t wait to tear through their virgin flesh. 

    Either my friends were exaggerating their experiences or they were really attractive because the last I hear, people – straight or not – have tastes and preferences.  

    Assuming my friends did in fact have very disturbing and unwanted encounters in the gay clubs, desperate, ravenous and promiscuous behaviours are not restricted to homosexuals, anyone can exhibit these behaviours. Just ask a girl who has been to a club that heterosexuals go to. Or ask a really rich guy. 

    In all honesty though, an opinion is after all just an opinion. They are empty. If you firmly have very negative feelings about the LGBTQ community but the most you would do is to have nothing to do with them, this is fine.

    But when those thoughts crystallise into something sinister, like the acts of violence against the LGBTQ community, this is not okay.

    It is extremely unfair to severely restrict someone else’s life chances or subject them to physical harm just because you, as part of the majority heterosexuals, “do not understand” a part of their being. So really, we can have an endless discussion about how acceptable it is to be LGBTQ, but understand that people with alternative sexualities are humans too, that they are present and that they deserve the same rights and opportunities as the straight majority.